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  • Writer's pictureElias

Minding our Ps & Qs... Post # one

Updated: Nov 21, 2017

So here we are, adding a blog to our hectic restaurant life. Why? Mainly because we don't (and have too much self respect) vent on yelp or other social media outlets designed to feed the ego of the consumer and for the demise of small business. We have to bite our tongues to keep our opinions about reviews and not respond. It's just not good for biz and it fuels the fire for a cyber battle...and we generally have better things to do.

What you can expect here is truth; no filter. If you are easily offended, super sensitive, self conscious, a self proclaimed restaurant critic for Yelp (see South Park episode #261), self absorbed or a hater we recommend you stop reading now.

For the rest of you...welcome to what we can't say to your face. Don't worry, this won't just be a bitch fest, we will get foodie on you and probably wax poetic. We'll post pics and video, recipes, cool knives, a new burn scar, conflict, celebrations and other funny shit.

Clearly any small business owner understands the value of keeping your opinion to yourself in the heat of the battle. Putting on a pretty face or "sucking dick for dollars" (as we so eloquently put it), decade after decade takes its toll. I imagine the closest thing we can relate it to would be living in Vegas and aging like a dog. Aside from coming up with a concept and delivering on said concept,  lying to your faces about how much we give a shit is (in a nutshell) what we do for a living. Granted, there are thousands of variables between wind up and delivery but at its most basic level, that's what we do. We're all whores and the guest is our John. Guess what John, most of you are self centered condescending assholes with no clue about this business. 

One of our favorites will be to post ridiculous reviews, good or bad, and tear them apart. 

Cannot tell you how excited we are about this. 25 years in the biz, we have some doozies. 

As restaurant lifers we're not afraid to expose our faults, mistakes, and shortcomings. After all, who are we to smack talk if we can't smell our own shit?

Over the years we've met some really great human beings. It's one of the many reasons we've stuck it out with the love/hate relationship we have with hospitality. This being the first post of our blog, we feel the need to disclose that we don't hate people, just stupid people, hateful people, cheap hateful people and, back when we were waiting tables, foreign people and their tipping policy. Honestly though, we've been pretty lucky over the years; cultivating life-long relationships and making great friends with peers & guests. You're not all assholes, just a small percentage.

This isn't an attempt to take a slice from "The Bitchy Waiter."  At this point in our careers we're way past complaining about kids of shitty parents destroying the dining room, guests bringing in Frappacinos and old people that can't taste hot. While pretty funny, he can have it. Maybe because we've lived it, day in and day out for decades, then made a crazy grown up decision to marry the industry and graduate to owners. We still sit around and bitch like we're staff, so reading his blog feels like we're working.

Now that we are "living the dream" of over-worked, broker than we ever were, owners, we get to bitch beyond the obvious annoyances of service. We get to dive into the land of vendors, repair guys, land lords, neighboring business owners, utilities, bands/musicians that think they're rock stars, bored people hosting a charity for the cause of the week and looking for a handout, salesmen, city officials, red tape, state officials, taxes, payroll, everyone trying to hang a poster on your building like its a billboard, and last but not least...bitchy employees that feel as though the world (or at least the tiny world of our restaurant) owes them something. 

Hopefully we gain some readers, help them get through their day, put a smile on a face, inspire, entertain, and piss someone off. If not, we'll continue anyway, after all, this blog is therapeutic. You can't do the biz for this many years and not lose your shit. At least this way we'll mind our Ps & Qs in the real world.

This is going to feel good.

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